I am a stay at home mother. This is something that I didn't foresee for my life, but I would not change things a single bit. I mostly love my job and I am continually amazed by the children around me - my own and those who I encounter at church, school and in our community. One thing I find that I miss is preaching, writing and having conversations with my peers about what I am experiencing. I do get to do that occasionally, I do have friends and a husband who thankfully comes home every evening. However in the hubbub of family life things often aren't said or brought to full fruition. That is where I am right now - as a wise friend once told me (a fellow clergy spouse, actually). This is my time to lie fallow and become enriched. I am coming to the point where my youngest will enter the school world and I will reenter the working world and I hope I have been enriched and have something to share. That said, today, I have something to share.
It has been a long week. We live on a small island and so my longest drives are usually to the grocery shop and maybe a longer expedition off island to the big box stores which are 25 minutes away. This week Harry has been attending cub scout camp in the northern part of the state. It has meant that I have had to drive alot more than I usually do and through some major traffic which I am not used to or comfortable with, but I have done it and I am proud of myself. I have also managed to keep Robert out of the car for most of those long rides, but Friday morning was different.
On Friday Kevin has the day off and he is usually able to just be home and with the family. It was the only day that I did not arrange for somebody to watch Robert because I just assumed that Kevin would be with him while I brought Harry to camp and I knew that in the afternoon we would all be piling into the car to go to the camp to see the skits and awards at camp. But as is somewhat normal in the life of a clergy family (and probably most families), about ten minutes before we were to leave Kevin's phone rang. Robert was still in jammies, Harry was slowly getting himself ready after a late night of revelry at camp the day before.
I listened to my dear, sensitive husband say, "When did it happen?" and then tell the person on the other line that he would be there right away. He hung up the phone and I looked at him and asked if the person's mother had died (as a clergy spouse, I usually have a general idea of what's going on and try to pray for the people of the parish too). She had. I sighed and wanted to ask why he had to choose this morning to promise to "be right there" for a death for which things can't change immediately, but I stopped myself and just asked what he wanted to do and readjusted my attitude and my schedule. Kevin helped to quickly dress both boys and then was out the door before I could get us out of the door. We were later than I planned but we made it to Harry's last day of camp on time.
As we drove to camp, my mind was spinning. After my initial irritation that Robert would have to go on an extra car trip and I could not do my one errand of the morning alone. I began to be thankful that I have a husband who has developed relationships with parishioners that allow them to feel comfortable to call him right after a death to ask for care and prayers. I am thankful that he is the sort of person who can calm and change a situation just by being there and offering a presence and prayer that can soothe in times of loss and grief. As we drove along I began to sing soothing songs. Usually my boys object strongly and shout me down. But yesterday they did not object they just listened and let me soothe myself with song.
There was more to the story, but as is often true in my life, I am now surrounded by a spouse and 2 little boys who although not directly addressing me the energy in the house is such that my peace is over and I have to stop writing. I think I will end saying, that we are all on journeys to grow and change in life and in our faiths. I have found that I did not necessarily choose this path as a stay at home mom with a clergy person as a spouse, but it has forced me to grow and change in wonderful ways. I am more patient and more loving and more aware of the battles that we are all facing on a daily basis. When I remember I am thankful rather than resentful for the sudden curves that happen in life.
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