The littler guy

Our happy boy - nothing better than some time in the water :-)

This week I want to write a bit about child number two, in order that is.  Robert is five now and this year he began kindergarten.  He keeps me on my toes, but he does so in ways different from his older brother.  He has a twinkle in his eye and learned very early how to push the buttons of everybody in our family.  He doesn't always do it in a mean way, but sometimes, especially with Harry, you can tell that he is testing to see how far he can get without getting whaled upon.

This year he started kindergarten.  I think it was harder for me than it was for him.  Over the past 10 years I have always had somebody around with me.  First it was Harry and then it was Robert.  Getting things done was a little easier by the time Robert came along because I had already learned to juggle various persons needs and still somehow get some semblance of dinner on the table.  I have thought of them as my constant companions during their toddler/preschool years.  Most days I very much enjoyed having a little person sort of trailing me around and engaging with me or engaging with his own activities nearby.  Robert is a homebody, so he has always been perfectly happy with the days we spend at home doing chores, with breaks for Mom to sit down and do a puzzle or play a game.

My Mom used to say that people have lots of kids because they are all so different and they want to see what the next one is going to be like.  My boys are definitely different.  They have similarities, but I can see where Mom was going.  If not for limited resources I would consider more children.  In the meantime these boys keep me busy and most days happy.

For now, let me tell you about last night.  While Harry was doing homework and I was doing something on the computer in the same room to make sure Harry continued to do homework, Robert was upstairs playing in his room.  He is an active player and so I have learned to hear and yet not respond to the many crashes and bumps that go on above my head.  If I don't hear screaming or sudden quiet and I continue to hear little and large crashes I tend to ignore the mayhem.  Homework got done which was directly followed by dinner and so I didn't get upstairs until Robert and I were headed up to bedtime.  Kevin and Harry had gone off to a cub scouts meeting, so last nights drama was solely a Mommy-Robert deal.

We walk upstairs happily and I guide him to the bathroom and turn into his room to get some jammies.  The sight was not uncommon - books and cards all over the place (this month's collector card of choice - Skylanders).  Then I looked at the window.  The little guy had torn down and broken the curtain rod.  Not a huge deal - it was bound to happen since we put the little trampoline in his room (obviously now too close to the window).  However, when I called the transgressor in he was unrepentant.  I asked him to apologize and told him he should have told me when it happened not left it for bedtime.  Now I had a job of getting it fixed and the curtain back up (which we need to keep his room dark) before bedtime. 

So I sent him back to the bathroom with instructions to get ready for bed while I dealt with the situation.  He was still totally oblivious and unrepentant.  I was back and forth from his room to my room - up the stairs and down the stairs (discovering in the process that the rod was irrevocably destroyed).  And my sweet, energetic child was happily fooling around in the bathroom and still not even close to being dressed.  This I think irked me more than anything else!  Here I am sweating and fussing and trying to make his life normal while he makes mine more stressful.  

So I fussed at him, the same way I would fuss at Harry.  This was a mistake, Robert doesn't need such clear displeasure, he gets it faster.  He did figure it out and get dressed for bed and brushed his teeth.  He knew I was unhappy so like in Knuffle Bunny - when we got to the lovely part of the evening - books and prayers and songs - he was unhappy and Mommy was unhappy too.  Bedtime started with tears and ended with tears.  I told him that even though I wasn't very happy with his behavior, I loved him and nothing he does can change that. I reminded him that we all make mistakes and sometimes have to deal with the consequences (tonight's being the loss of the trampoline for a couple days).  And I realized as I sat there with my teary boy, that I really don't need to punish him very often.  He is my mischievous child, but he seldom gets into any real trouble that requires punishment.  Mostly it requires some talking and clarifying of what is acceptable behavior.  

This morning it is over, a lovely thing about childhood.  We have had a regular morning, which doesn't mean everybody out of the house without a hitch, but all on time and all happily.  I am thinking about how fair doesn't mean equal and this goes for how we treat and talk to our children as well.  They have different needs.  As I talked to Robert last night and calmed his wounded soul, I gently stroked his hair and made sure a hand was on his back.  He needed that and at the moment, so did I.  As a parent, part of my job is to figure out how to connect and meet the boys' needs.  It is going to be different in different situations and for each boy.  Another lifelong lesson I guess, but that is parenting.

We were so thrilled when he finally managed to keep the thumb in his mouth - these days he is a little Linus - a good self soother with thumb and blanket.