Along yesterday's theme

It is Newport Winter Festival and we only made it to one event - a teddy bear story time.  It turned out to be more of a teddy bear singing time.  Robert enjoyed himself and I was very grateful I had Harry bring a book, so he happily read while the little ones sang and danced to the music.

Harry did bring Bear, James Bear, but his book was more interesting than what was going on around him (and I can't blame him at all).

Lots of little children and lots of teddies.

I was there with some other ladies from my MOPS group, so I could come out from behind the camera!

New teddy bears

Monday was a holiday and so Kevin was at home.  We had planned to go to Mystic to the Aquarium and maybe the Seaport.  We had the library museum passes and everything.  However, we woke up to snow and a promise of a cold damp day.  So we went to plan B.  We went to the mall and since there was just one attraction there, we made it into an adventure.  We first went on a scavenger hunt together throughout the mall and then we went and "built" bears for the boys.  Finally we all had lunch together.  It wasn't the original plan, but turned out to be a fun holiday trip together.

Here are the boys taking their hearts and warming them up before they are inserted in their bears.

Robert got a haircut recently and since he has a major cowlick in the back it is sticking up nicely most days.

Here they are stuffing the bear.  Harry chose a camouflage bear and then a tuxedo with sunglasses.  The bear's name is James, James Bear.

Robert with his pizza slice - the ones they serve at the fast food places at the mall are huge!  It was bigger than his head :-)

Yup, he's still in there - nope, he doesn't get lunch too.

Busy days

Drumming on the pots and pans

The end of the day - Mythbusters episode and a donut with sprinkles - who could ask for more?

Robert tends towards the pure chocolate kind.

My sweet boy

I have always thought of Harry as my sweet boy.  He is a very active little boy and has been since babyhood. He's got a gentle spirit and even though he sometimes seems a little out of control, he would not hurt a fly and has lectured me on more than one occasion when I have hurt the black ants that love to invade our house in the spring.

I have the great privilege of remembering the moment I fell in love with Harry, my firstborn.  I had post partem  depression after he was born.  As a result of that those first few months were a blur of anxiety and confusion. I knew intellectually that I loved my baby and that I wanted to do my best for him, but that emotional didn't click in as it did in all the movies/television shows we watch.  However, it did click in and I remember sitting in a park on a sunny spring day and realizing that I loved this baby boy and that I would do anything for him.  It was like a door opened up to a connection that had been there all along.  I cherish that memory.

Here he is with some lego creations.  When Kevin and I came home from an overnight away, both boys were happily playing with these.  It was a nice sight, especially since they are Harry's legos and creations and he was sharing them well with Robert.

I am toddler, I am trouble and I can....

  artfully smear laughing cow cheese all over the bench...

Get more cookie on my face than in my mouth....

Fall asleep on Dad's lap on the couch, because it was a long day (which by the way is very rare - he did this last Saturday after spending a fun filled 27 hours with Grampy and Wheezie). 

 He also fell asleep in the car on the way home tonight! Must be the full moon...

The road taken

I've always loved the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost and I remember being sort of disappointed in my "youth" when I learned that it was not entirely positive about the road not taken.  Both paths are actually equally worn in the poem which seems to intimate that many of the walkers did not actually make it to the end of the path, rather they walked back to the divergence and continued on the easier path.

I don't know why I am thinking about the road I've taken today.  Maybe partly because I actually have had a little time to myself.  Robert was in his toddler's program this morning and I went to the gym, did a whole bunch of cleaning, made a phone call and did some paperwork.  That is probably as much as I achieve in a week with Robert at home. I am by no means complaining though.  It is interesting to feel like I've accomplished something and to be in a place where I don't "have" to do anything at the moment.

I am on a path, I don't think I could have predicted.  However, the more I look at myself and my other son, I realize that we are very similar.  His ADHD makes him impulsive and also makes time and thinking ahead difficult sometimes.  I share some of this - I am a definite J on the Myers Briggs scale, but long term thinking ahead, I just don't do well with that.  I get bogged down in all the possibilities and so I just sort of turn off and go back to living day by day.  I think about the future, but only sort of nebulously.  Now as I watch Harry struggle somewhat in school, I look back and realize that like him the academics of school were never a problem, but the social part was a struggle.  I don't think it was as bad for me, but I do remember being anxious and nervous as a child about how to read others and how to fit in.  I am sure that is true for all of us, but now as I watch Harry, I wonder if I am the person who passed on these traits.

Still, he is doing fine, it is just strange, this parenting thing. We have these little people who are totally dependent upon us and our job is to give them wings.  There is the push and pull of what is right and what is right for them.  We are now at the point where we argue with Harry sometimes about how some families may allow some things that we do not allow or that many people can afford more luxuries than we can afford.  And yet, I think we're doing okay, I know that we have the important things in life and that our children are growing and thriving.

As a clergy family our road is a different one, but we all make choices in life.  All our roads are different in different ways.  The road I am currently on is perhaps not one I would have imagined, but I like the path.  I am enjoying the scenery (Robert in his super tigger cape, Harry zooming around the house using his un-takeaway-able toy - his imagination).  We live in a beautiful part of the world and sometimes I make a point of driving home the long way to go look at the ocean and the beautiful vistas that are literally a mile away from my door.  This is where the road has lead me - I think - and marvel at the beauty of the world that God has given us to enjoy.

The road I've taken is a bit bumpy - there are always worries.  However, I, like my beautiful son, am usually able to leave those aside and enjoy the day.  I am actually thankful for that gift.  I say my prayers at night and wonder what the road will bring tomorrow.  It is always a fascinating ride.

Time away

I was away from my boys for a little over 27 hours and more happened than I could have expected.  Everybody is fine.  My Dad is a wonderful care giver to those little urchins and they love him dearly too.  Nothing ever goes perfectly smoothly in life and that is just the way of things.  But oh how a mother's heart can hurt when she can't instantly pick up her little boy and tell him that sometimes life is hard, but it is okay.  We all make mistakes and that is how we learn, but some mistakes are more painful than others.  You want to be there directly for your child when they happen, but that is not how life works either and I guess that is okay too.

So anyway, we were at a planning for tomorrow conference with the church pension fund.  We came away feeling like for the most part we have things under control.  We are going to consult a financial planner and try to make sure that what we are doing is right for us.  There have been some changes in our lives in the past few years and not everything reflects that.  We are also very blessed that the Church Pension Fund is an old fashioned retirement program that will hopefully be something that helps us have a somewhat comfortable retirement.

We met some really amazing people.  We met a new couple in the diocese who are our age and enjoyed getting to know them.  I am hoping to get back in touch and perhaps have another clergy spouse to share stories and struggles with.  I got to go to a group for clergy spouses and heard some amazing and uplifting stories of their lives in the church.  Nobody had easy lives, but all those women are people who I would aspire to be like.  We had dinner with a neat lady who told of losing her husband and moving away from the place she'd always lived and reestablishing her life in RI with new friends, new challenges and new joys she hadn't anticipated for this stage of life.

It was really one of those times away where I learned the things I'd expected - financial planning, what exactly the Church Pension Fund is and what it offers to us and some of the things that we need to be doing now and as we go forward.  More importantly though, I heard stories of God in people's lives.  I saw and heard grief, joy and amazement in people's eyes and words as they told their stories.  I told some of my story as well and felt affirmed and not alone.  I was reminded that with God we are strong and when we come together and share our stories we can be stronger.

I am not often away from my boys these days and I am glad for that.  I was not expecting that this short period of time would be a difficult time to be away.  It was, but it was also where I needed to be for my boys.     Tonight, I am thankful to be home, to be able to tend to my boys and that those hours away gave me the gift of renewal and some special gifts to contemplate as I go forward.

Reading with your brother

Yesterday I was at my MOPS meeting listening to a speaker when my phone rang.  It was Harry's teacher.  They were at the book fair at school and Harry was wanting to buy a science kit rather than a book.  I sent him with instructions about what he could/should buy and science kit wasn't on it, so she was calling to make sure it was okay.  First I asked if he had chosen a book for Robert (which was the main reason for the list of what he could buy).  He had already chosen a book for Robert, so I said it was fine (what's one more science kit among the dozens we have).  It isn't like I am worried about Harry reading - he often has his head stuck in a book and our bookshelves are overflowing already.  I was really just trying to make him think about somebody else (Robert in this case).  He wasn't thrilled and said it was his bookfair.  So we talked about it and how it is nice to do something for others and all that.

Well for once, my idea was a roaring success.  When Harry got home he unpacked his backpack right away and gave Robert his book.  Then he said, "Robert, do you want me to read it to you?" and they both divested themselves of all their gear, got up on the couch and settled in for a read.  Robert was thrilled and grabbed puppy and blanket to really cuddle up to a good book.

That was one of those bonus moments of parenthood.  Harry has been able to read now since about September.  At any time he could have picked up one of the many books around and read one to Robert.  I have suggested it and it has always been to no avail.  But yesterday, under his own steam, he read his little brother a book and not a simple baby book either.  It was lovely.  I wandered about in something like a daze and picked up their books, jackets, hats, mittens and put them away without a single complaint or reminder that I am not in fact the house slave.  I was just so thrilled to watch this little moment unfold.  Then I sneaked in with my camera and took these shots of the momentous occasion.

On the move

Robert has a fondness for trying on other people's shoes.  Here he is in Daddy's boots.

Whew, made it around the table, time to hold on for a break!

Here I go again.

School!

 After much agonizing on my part, we decided it was time for Robert to start a toddler program at the local day care / preschool.  It is the same place where Harry went four or five years ago now.  Some of the same folks are there and so we are comfortable with taking Robert there.  He'll be 3 in March and he is ready for some real interaction with kids on a more regular basis.  When we brought him by to introduce him to the space and get the paperwork, he was all ready to stay.  In fact when we told him it was time to go he replied, "No, I stay - you and Mommy go."

Here's Robert ready to go.  It was majorly snowy and icy when he started on Tuesday.  I brought him in and Kevin picked him up, partly because I was nervous about driving in the weather and even more so about driving later.  Partly because I wanted to drop him off and see for myself that he was okay.  He was just fine. He went right to the train table and started playing.  He barely raised his head to say goodbye to me!

Here he is - at his school - just like DW.  He is at the train table which is right there when you walk in the door.  It is hard to believe that Harry had been in child care at least 2 days a week from 3 months old and Robert is just beginning a few months short of 3.  He's a funny little guy.  But I'll write more about his current antics later.  At the moment we are just happy that so far so good and the only nervous person is his Mommy.

Mother Nature gives us a one two punch

We've been having a snowy/icy/cold winter here in New England.  So far the kids have missed 3 days of school in our town.  Yesterday's was more of an ice day.  Looking back at the past few posts, there are a plethora of snowy weather ones.  This past one was sort of 2 storms combined in a 24 hour period.  We woke up to snow on Tuesday, but it was relatively calm and light, then during the day it turned into icy rain/sleet even though it was 25 degrees Fahrenheit.  The weather person said something about the upper atmosphere being warm, blah, blah, blah.  Anyway, Harry was in school all day despite the messy weather and although I was worried about the bus coming home on icy roads, the main road seemed fine and I just cautioned Harry not to make his regular waylay run down the street as our street was a slick sheet of ice.

Yesterday we were awakened to a no school phone call at 6 am.  It wasn't snowing or icing at that point, rather pretty heavy rain, with some rain/sleet combos during the day.  There is snow, then ice, then snow, then ice again and on top of that rain.  There were actually fairly good sized puddles on top of the snow in the yard.  I thought maybe we'd have an ice rink this morning, but it melted back into the snow once it stopped raining!  

So I figured out something to do with the boys in the morning and we watched a movie in the afternoon and played in between.  It seemed to work out fine.  Kevin basically worked from the upstairs office and we both took some time outside to work on clearing the layer of ice that has enveloped our yard/driveway/walkway.  This morning school was delayed by an hour (another 6 am call), but that presumably was to allow the roads a chance to thaw a bit.  Hopefully the ride in will be safe.  Robert and I have things planned this morning.  I am a bit uncertain about icy roads, but I'll go slow and steady and get there eventually.

Our poor cars are ice encrusted - in some ways easier to clear than snow since you just let the car warm up and it melts off.

Can you see the puddle behind the riding toy that was left in the backyard?  It was still raining when I took this.  Also our poor little bush.  At least you can see if above the snow.  I fear our little azaleas may not survive their extended burial.

This was our front walkway - see the ice?  It deceptively looks water, but it was slick ice on every surface.  Gotta remember to walk carefully!