Happy Birthday Pictures

Morning Birthday Boy

With his birthday table

We all love party favors

Okay, I'll wear the hat

After the gifts were opened

Playing with the new toy

Hi Ya!

Phew

Three weeks ago I had my annual mammogram.  This year I went with a friend and Kevin stayed home with the boys and with my friend's daughter.  We joked about how this was like a date as we waited in line and got our pictures taken for our hospital ID's.  When I finally got in for the exam, the technician explained that they have new machines and that this would take the "normal" picture and a series of cross sections from another angle.  She also said that as long as they didn't find anything that I would get a letter in a couple of weeks, if they did she said they'd be in touch in a couple of days.

We we went away early the next week and I hadn't heard anything by later in the week, so I was feeling assured that things were okay, but then I got a letter.  They needed me back in for further evaluation.  I immediately called my doctor's office and my doctor was on vacation.  They said they didn't have the report, so I called the hospital and made the appointment for the needed ultrasound the next morning, not knowing what was up.  I called the doctor's office back and pretty much demanded (in a rather emotional manner), that they get that report and have the doctor-on-call call me that evening.  To their credit they did call me back within about 15 minutes and said they'd found a nodule that needed to be further checked out.

So the next morning with heavy heart, I headed back and had the ultrasound.  I was worried, my Mom had breast cancer and so did my grandmother.  One was post-menopausal and one was pre-menopausal.  I couldn't feel a lump, but I have to admit, I find it very hard to find such things and wonder if I would miss it entirely before it was rather big.  When they brought me back for the ultrasound the lady said, how are you? I didn't quite have my brave face on and she was so nice and assured me that whatever they found, they would tell me before I left the hospital.

Well, it turned out to be 2 nodules and although they assured me they were most likely cysts and harmless, but that I would need to come back to have another procedure.  We made an appointment for a week later.  I was scheduled for an aspiration of the 2 cysts with a possible need for a core biopsy.  That gave me a week to stew.  So this morning after a week of trying not to worry and to enjoy life and Harry's ninth birthday (which I think I achieved overall), I had the appointment.  I chatted with the technician about books and children and watched as she found the two little nodules on the ultrasound again.  Then she marked my breast and I laid back down with my book to wait for the doctor.  The doctor was the same one I met last week and that was comforting.

I was prepped and I watched nervously on the screen as a needle was placed in my breast and "phew" the little nodule disappeared.  The second nodule was harder to see, but it too disappeared.  The doctor said that was it and I don't need to go back for a year (for my next mammogram).  I said "thank goodness" and went out to tell Kevin who was in the waiting room.  I think altogether it took about an hour.  I know I am lucky and I am still feeling shell shocked all these hours later.  It has been quite a few weeks.

I have been working so hard to be hopeful and faithful.  I remember my fear when I went through preparing for heart surgery in my teens, but it was such a different thing.  The idea of cancer is much more frightening, even though I knew/know that finding it so early is a good thing and it is an entirely defeat-able disease.  It is terrifying knowing that it is something quite a few people in my life could not defeat.  As I went through the motions of preparing for Harry's birthday though, I realized that no matter what happened today, I could not celebrate Harry's 9th birthday again.  So I dialed in to being there, to enjoying myself and to making sure that Harry enjoyed himself too.  I think I did okay.  I also realized along the way, that even though I don't feel especially faithful these days, I do have my faith and the combined faith of my friends and family around me.  I only told a few people, not wanting to worry folks for something which most of me knew would be okay.

The truth is that by this morning, I was figuring it would be okay, if it went away with the insertion of the needle or if there was going to be more to the story.  It isn't that I wasn't terrified and still am when I contemplate what sort of battle faces any woman who finds herself with a malignancy in her breast.  It was that I knew and know that I can only take each day as it comes and most of us don't know when our end is coming or how.  I felt hopeful that God would be with me, that my family would support me and that my friends would come along for the journey.

So tonight, it is a blip on the radar screen, two weeks of tension and fear that in the scheme of things aren't much.  But I come away looking at the world a little differently.  It is a reminder of the fragility of life and the need to enjoy as much of it as I can.  I am going to do my best to remember this going forward.  I know that won't be easy as the fear fades and I slip back into bad habits of taking life for granted.  But it isn't a given, life is a blessing and I hope that I can work to show that to those around me in my actions and words.  The past week I was fighting an internal battle, that I didn't want to make public.  Perhaps I should have, but it made me more aware and more accepting of the grouchy or the distracted people who sometimes carelessly  ignore or hurt us.  We are all in this together and sometimes the wounds and fears aren't visible, but we owe it to each other to step lightly, love greatly and forgive often.  I hope that this 'blip' will help me remember that.

Hooray for Birthdays :-)

Harry turns 9 today!  Here is a little retrospective - a picture from each month of his first year!  At this point nine years ago I had been in labor a little over 12 hours and Harry was 12 hours from being born.  It was a long day.  So many memories and blessings from the past nine years.  I love being a Mom and Harry brought that gift to me with his birth.  So here are some pictures enjoy! :-)

Family of Three

Figuring things out together

Sealed as Christ's own forever

Joy

Learning to move

Cups were a favorite toy

the nuk was a very important thing in life

moving, moving, moving

Oh how we love the outdoors

so the fascination with gadgets begins

All kinds of educational toys and a chip bag was another favorite :-)

taking a rest from walking practice

First birthday

Some more vacation pictures

drawing in the restaurant

labeling his drink just in case :-)

just a nice picture

Robert in his shades

Guess who got an early birthday present and learned how to ride it the very next day?

Practicing

Somebody was feeling like he needed his photo taken

One more shot

If big brother is riding a bike - little brother is gonna give it a try too

We spent a half an hour sitting on this stone wall in the sun - Robert was climbing all around and I was watching

I love spring flowers and capturing them with my nice camera

early rhodedendron

on the stone wall - lovely old New England kind - no mortar

tulip in our backyard

tulip - from above

bleeding heart

forsythia

ferns before they spring open

cherry blossoms

These are from Kevin's Iphone :-)

Yummy marshmallow!

Oh, you brought the camera to our picnic

Lunch :-)

Anybody up for a lightsaber duel?

talking out the terms

At the bonfire

Roasting marshmallows

Wow, it has been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything.  Well part of my excuse is that this is vacation week and we have been busy.  We went to Cape Cod for a couple of days as a mini vacation and then the rest of the week has just been taken up with playing and hanging out.  Yesterday we went and got Harry part of his birthday present.  It was a bike!  He tried it out when we got home and I think once he's mastered the balance he will be very happy to have that.  Over the past year or so he's gotten very good on his scooter and his balance has improved immensely so I think now is the time for the bike.  Robert inherited Harry's old bike with training wheels, but so far is not very interested in it.  I think my children are late bloomers on bikes, but that is okay.

Yesterday the boys spent much of their day without me.  Kevin and I went to a doctor's appointment in Providence early in the day and so they were with Susan and Willa for the morning through early afternoon.  Then we had tickets to a reception and a show in the evening.  We left relatively early so I sort of feel like I barely saw them.  It is funny how that can disconcert me sometimes.  I do think that breaks are a good thing, but sometimes too much at once when I am not expecting it leaves me missing them.  Katie said both boys were tired last night and ready to go to bed well before their bedtimes.  I guess that means it was a good day.

We had a good time on our mini vacation, although we didn't get great sleep either night.  The first night was the normal adjusting to a new place and excitement of things battle at bed time.  Robert was the real culprit, he just couldn't settle in and fall asleep.  The second night (and we were only there 2 nights) all started out well, but then Harry woke up and turned on his book light at 3 a.m.!  That woke me up and I told him to turn it off and try to sleep.  I do think he tried to sleep, but he was very restless and so I too was restless and  had to ask him to quiet down a couple of times.  He finally fell into a deep sleep around 5:30 and then slept until a bit after 8 which was how long Robert also slept.  Being little boys they were raring to go in the morning, but Mom and Dad were a bit groggy.  Thank goodness for caffeine.  It is funny how sleep can become such an important thing when you are a parent.  I really cannot complain either, because for the most part we are blessed with our boys good sleep habits.  I have always loved sleeping and am an early to bed person.  Back before children I really enjoyed lying in bed in the early mornings and reading.  Apparently Harry likes to do that too, but we have had to discuss what early morning means, since 3 am is much too early to be up and reading!

We chose the place we stayed because it has a couple of nice pools - an indoor wave pool and an outdoor heated pool.  The weather was so lovely we spent most of our time in the outdoor pool.  The wave pool tended to be more crowded and louder.  I think this is why both boys preferred to be outside.  I was glad for that it was less noisy and the sun was shining while we were there.  Both boys are getting to be good swimmers, Harry loves doing little tricks and Robert spent much time going in circles.  He would climb out of the pool (or be lifted by Daddy) walk to the stairs, climb in,  walk over to a little wall and then jump into the pool (towards Daddy), swim to Daddy and then swim to the wall to repeat the procedure.  Pretty soon he was jumping in whether Kevin was looking or not!  I did get in and help out too, but Kevin definitely did the lion's share of direct supervision.  I was keeping an eye on Harry much of the time who sort of ranged around the edges of the pool, trying out different tricks and seeing how long he could stay under water.

We also visited the Cape Cod potato chip factory, got ice cream out and went to a joke store.  It was a nice little vacation.  The rest of the week has been spent playing outside, going to the library and walking to the beach.  Sort of regular times in our house.  We are very blessed in our little community on this island.  I am glad that the boys have the chance to be growing up here.

Easter Weekend Doings

Harry with the Easter bunny  - Robert refused to go near her

Waiting for the hunt to begin

on the hunt

Happy boys with baskets of candy

Just a swingin'

look what I have

mixing the dye for the eggs

watch those tablets sizzle

there's a lot of waiting in this process

Five more eggs in the dye and then we are done :-)

sorting the candy from the town hunt

He just wanted it all in a bag to carry around

Perhaps the most touching part of the weekend for me - big brother reading to little brother

On our way to church

Happy boys

the fabulous Alleluia banner that was made with squares the children decorated and  which the children processed in with at the 10 o'clock service this morning

Family Easter egg hunt - this time there was chocolate in the eggs :-)

Robert's hunt was in the front yard and Harry's was in the back - Harry is helping Robert

Harry searches for the eggs - they were more difficult to find than Robert's

While Harry searches - Robert sorts (we borrowed our neighbor's yard for the hunt this year (found a couple of golf balls too since they are on the golf course side of the street)

The Easter Bunny Monster - we love drawing on our driveway

Finally Harry is sorting his chocolate eggs