Catching up with some pictures - November

Harry has begun to take fencing - he seems to like it :-)

Kevin got dressed as a turkey during a cub scouts meeting

His first match?  He likes it enough to try another session

Thanksgiving dinner and yes - his was peanuts - that is what he announced he would eat the week before and that is what he ate!  Oh picky child - someday you will be amazed at what you wouldn't eat.

playing with the i electronic devices on the chair where I used to almost exclusively do my reading :-)

Sisters

Dad, Kevin and I

Jess, Dad and I

learning mastermind

and hanging out in jammies :-)

Catching up with some pictures - October

Harry's Cannibal pumpkin

Robert's Pumpkin

The Locust or the hooded one from the book series Bone

walking in his mother's footsteps as Darth Vader

trick or treat

Robert's first real foray into the foam pit

The experienced foamer

fancy pumpkins

a sandbox creation

waiting on the grown ups in church

checking out the paper monster book - we have now made more than 20 of these

playing on Mom's ipad with Louise

Advent

I haven't written since after Thanksgiving.  We are in my favorite time of year, Advent, and yet I have not had much time for myself to sit down and type on the computer.  Often during Advent, I think about motherhood; what it is to be a mother, how it changed me and what God called Mary to be as a mother.  In the past few days I have especially been thinking about motherhood.

I have always had an image of Mary as a new mother as a woman full of conflicting emotions.  She must have been quite frightened to be carrying and giving birth to this child who would redefine humanity.  She probably only had an inkling of what this would mean to her life and to her family's life.  I believe (as the Bible indicates) that Mary had more children.  A good Jewish woman of the time was a faithful mother and provider in the household.  I find it hard to imagine what life was like for her without running water, electricity or the simple privileges we have in the modern world.  However, as a mother, I do understand the joys and sorrows she experienced in raising children.  She was probably tired some days and also she probably worried (for even the best of us forget sometimes that we can pass our worries on upwards).  But more than that I am sure that she rejoiced in watching her children grow and change and discover the world around them.

This weekend the wanderings of my regular Advent meditation change a bit.  The tragedy in Connecticut got me to thinking.  When a grown up dies, it is somehow expected, and although we do feel sympathy for that person's parents, we can remove ourselves a bit more easily from their pain.  When a child dies, it is different.  Children are little beacons of life and hope.  There is no explaining such violence in the world or understanding how anybody could pick up a gun and kill such a beautiful example of life and hope.

My children are four and nine years old.  They are in very different places right now in their development.  However, they both attend school at the local elementary school.  My younger child is in preschool there a few hours a day and my older is a fourth grader.  Although, I haven't felt more apprehensive about sending them to school this week, I have thought about how precarious life can be.  On Sunday out of an abundance of caution, I told my older child what had happened in the elementary school in Connecticut.  He listened and asked a couple of questions, ending with the comment that since the gunman was dead, then we didn't need to worry.

Life is an uncertain thing.  It is never guaranteed and at times like this I remember to savor each moment I have the privilege of walking upon this earth.  I got an email from my Dad the day of the shooting, telling me to hug my boys before I put them to bed.  I was speaking with a friend yesterday who was in a dilemma about what to do about holiday travel with her children, both of whom are pretty sick right now.  As mothers we all need to find our own path and to figure out what is best for us and for our children.  We get advice and we share advice and we seek the best path for our children.  In the case of hugging them before bed, it is an easy decision.  In the case of keeping to home to keep them healthy and oneself sane, it is a harder decision, because she must disappoint other people she loves.  But in both cases it is the welfare of our little ones which is preeminent in our minds.

Like Mary, she couldn't have known that she would stand at the foot of a Roman cross and see her child die.    Parents must all deal with uncertainty and worry about who their child will become.  I do still have trouble some days sending my boys off to school, especially my older son.  I know I am continuing the separation process that began really when he left my womb.  It is a strange sensation not to be able to totally protect him.

We love our children, but ultimately it is our job to teach them how to say goodbye to us.  They are destined for their own lives and we can only hope they are lives of love, righteousness and honor and that we will remain part of those lives.  We also hope and trust that most of the people around them are good honorable people too.  I think that was true in Connecticut as well.  There was one person who went and violently rearranged the lives of a school and ultimately a town, perhaps a nation, but there were and are hundreds and thousands of people who helped and continue to help those who are wounded and those who died.  It is an awful tragedy and we must mourn, but we must also hope, because without hope and forgiveness we are nothing and can do nothing to change the world for our children.

Godzilla

Back in April, my older child turned nine.  We never quite got around to a party.  A month or so ago now, we did and it fit nicely with Halloween.  We had a Godzilla party with six of his friends - pizza, play time a movie and cupcakes.  What more could you ask?  Harry did most of the decorations himself.  Here are some pictures for that lovely day!

welcome sign

our house was a dangerous place that day

my lesser attempts at decoration

The party started and ended with various forms of sword fighting

movie time

our boy

One Clergy Spouse's Reflections on a New Bishop's Ordination

We have a new bishop in the Episcopal Diocese of Rhode Island!  It is a hopeful time and I was privilege to observe some of the happenings first hand.  The ceremony was inspiring, the music was wonderful and the hall was full of faithful people affirming their choice of a new leader.  My husband had a couple of roles in the ordination/consecration and I was happy to be there to support him and I enjoyed the extra time I got to spend with some parishioners on a Saturday afternoon.

That is the beginning of the story, but like all things in life, it isn't that simple and as joyful as the event was, I didn't come to it with a fully open heart, although I prayed to get to that point as the service began.  I don't know how to begin to describe the thoughts that are traveling around my heart and mind, but I feel like I need to set something down.

I grew up part of a church.  Some of my earliest and happiest memories are being part of the community in my church.  I always looked forward to the events of the church and as a Roman Catholic I went through all the necessary steps.  I was baptized  had my first communion and first penance and then I was confirmed.  I went to a Jesuit college and even did volunteer work right out of college for a brief 4 months.  When I settled into my working life, I already knew that I wanted to do something more.  I thought it would be in the church, but I also saw right away that as a woman it couldn't be in the Roman Catholic Church.  So I became an Episcopalian.  I searched for my passion in and out of the church.  I went to seminary and I met my husband.  I did not go to seminary with the idea I would be ordained, but I felt called to youth work and wanted to learn as much as I could to be a good youth leader.

So maybe you caught that I met my husband, he was on the path of ordination and he is a priest today.  He is a good priest and I think a good pastor to our parish.  Right now, my primary role in our parish is as the Sunday School director.  I am an involved parishioner as I was in every other parish I have ever been involved in, but things are different now, because I am a clergy spouse.  My parish does a lovely job with the fact that I am involved and I am a clergy spouse.  I, myself, feel that I am set apart, but I must be honest that for the most part, people do not treat me that way.  I am pretty good at setting boundaries though and I think that makes it easier for them and for me.

My primary role in life right now is as a mother and a home maker.  It is the hardest job I've ever done and society seems to appreciate it the least.  We talk a good game about how it is such an important role and we should value women like me who do this, but let me tell you from the trenches it can be a thankless job.  Add in that I am a clergy spouse, another rather invisible role and some days I wonder about why exactly I have chosen where I am today.

So back to this lovely ordination weekend.  We began with a meeting and a luncheon with the Presiding Bishop and her spouse.  Of course they separated us right at the beginning.  The clergy I believe had an inspiring talk by the presiding bishop in a lovely, warm, sunlit room.  The clergy spouses were sent down to the basement to a room that felt like a cold cave.  I believe it was meant to be a chance to connect with each other and get to know each other, but for me it was wholly unsuccessful.  I felt like a fish out of water and was wishing that I was at home with my Dad (who'd come up to watch my boy) and my boy.  I wanted to get to know the other clergy spouses, but I also wanted to do that as a dedicated Christian who also is living out a role in the church, not just as a spouse of a clergy person, but as a person in my own right.  When Kevin and I married, we knew he intended to be a priest and we have had some amazing experiences in the wider church since then.  I am not the power behind the throne, but I am an equal partner in his life and a supporter of his ministry.

So that didn't end well.  By the time we got upstairs for lunch the clergy were mostly sitting and eating.  My husband was at a full table and partway through his meal.  They had begun the meal without us.  That was it for me, I was well and truly put off.  I went over to Kevin and said I was going to leave and grab lunch on the way home.  I  left him to make my excuses.  Truth be told there was nobody to make my excuses too, I am sure that nobody noticed that I left early or thought to question why that was.  Thankfully I had my own car because he had a rehearsal after the luncheon.

When I got home, I had a lovely chat with Dad and after he left enjoyed some one on one time with my little guy and life moved on as usual.  Kevin had rehearsals separated by hours so he came home in between and while he was home we had a knock on the door.  It was a young woman we have known since we came here and her sister was our first sitter here in Jamestown.  She was coming to tell my husband that one of her sisters (not our first sitter) had tragically died the day before.

And so the game changes.  Kevin still had another rehearsal to attend, but did so with a heavy heart.  I am just the spouse, so although I will reach out to the family, I need to stand back right now and watch my husband do what he does best, be a pastor.  I too have had a heavy heart since then and am so sad for the family, even at the same time that I do truly believe that she is with God in a place where the many pains and difficulties of her life are gone.

I was ready to skip the ordination/consecration, but now Kevin had to go to be with the family at the funeral home and then go directly to the event.  I could only imagine how difficult that would be.   I was curious about the service since it is probably the only one I haven't experienced in the church and even more I wanted to be a silent presence there to support my husband.  I had the sitter lined up and I went.  I watched my husband do a great job and then finally found him after the service and saw that it was at some cost.  He was exhausted and hadn't had the time needed to process his experience at the funeral home before he needed to rapidly change gears to be at the service.  Neither of us were up for the reception.  We headed home, again in 2 different cars.  I picked up McDonald's on the way and we came home to 2 tired, cranky, little boys who weren't overly pleased that we had been gone all day on our "free" day which usually means time together as a family.

This is much longer than I meant it to be, what am I trying to say?  I guess that being a clergy spouse is a different role.  I don't spend much time in the spotlight and that's okay.  I don't carry all the burdens of the church on my shoulders.  My husband doesn't tell me everything that is going on in the parish or especially in parishioners lives.  But I am part of the parish and part of the diocese and I know what is going on because I pay attention.  I am affected by what happens and how things are done.

So again I say, we have a new bishop, thanks be to God.  He seems to be a good man and have special talents to share with the diocese.  I am looking forward to watching how things unfold.  I am also hoping in a deep part of my heart, that I am asked at some point, who I am in the diocese.  I don't want to think that I am unique as a clergy spouse, I can't tell you why, but my experience this weekend, tells me differently.  I don't think many people went to the bishops ordination this weekend with my particular cloud of conflicting emotions.  I am sure other people had their own cloud, but mine was formed precisely because I inhabit this unique place in the church.  I'd like to say that I am a clergy spouse and proud of it, but I think instead I will say, I am a clergy spouse and still struggling with what it means, but I am hopefully and happy to be in this place of wonderment.

Cub Scouts & First Camp out Fun

Funny faces at the corn maize trip

The first camp out for Harry featured a magnificent thunderstorm in the middle of the night, but a good time was had by my boy and that was what counted for us :-)

Making catapults

Climbing a rock on the camp out

Preschool Field trip with my little guy

Every fall there is a preschool field trip.  This year's was on Saturday morning when Robert and I were home alone.  Harry was on a camping trip (his first - he loved it and pictures will follow) and Kevin was alternately at the campout or performing 2 funerals that day.  So on a very misty morning we put on our boots and headed out for a scavenger hunt in town.  A good time was had by both of us and here are some pictures of our stops along the way.

First stop - town museum and we found the clue

All the trucks were out for some air at the fire station so that added to the fun

One of the many spider webs we saw along the way!

Final stop was East Ferry and here is one of Robert's favorite places to play at the Memorial Park there

Fooling around

Proof that I was in fact there for the event :-)