Harry's first day of fifth grade is tomorrow. On Sunday I would have said we were ready. I have Harry's school supplies, he's finished his required book reports and since we returned from our trip he has been practicing his multiplication tables. On Sunday we had a picnic near Beavertail lighthouse. It was one of those gorgeous end of summer days - sunny with a few clouds, a fair breeze and in the mid 70s. We all enjoyed ourselves. Our little guy may even have said it was the best picnic ever.
On Monday we drove into Boston and spent the day at the Boston Museum of Science. We stopped on the way home for dinner and frozen yogurt. Again it was a really nice day. It didn't go perfectly, we got a little lost in traffic and I am not the most comfortable soul in crowds and so at the end of the day at a big busy museum, I feel a bit on edge, but it was a good day. We all enjoyed the museum and being together, what more can you ask for.
Yesterday, my Dad came for a visit. That was the best part of yesterday. Otherwise it was one of those days for me spent in self doubt. My poor Harry woke up sick. The first clue was that he hadn't appeared until finally when Dad appeared at 9:30, Kevin went up and woke him. As is normal on vacation days he started with television. Both Harry and Kevin are not people who like to get up and eat right away. Robert who had been up over 3 hours at this point and was talking non stop needed a change of scenery, so we both headed off to the grocery store. He continued to talk nonstop, but I had a list so got mostly everything I wanted.
When I got back there was an unfinished breakfast on Harry's plate and no Harry. He had thrown up and was up in his room, pretty miserable. Robert was still talking (loudly) pretty much non stop. It wasn't even lunch time and I already felt on overload. Still you take a deep breath and go on. It was so lovely to have Dad around, he is always a calming presence. We got take out from a local place, Robert ate his normal hodgepodge and Harry didn't eat at all.
I am an introvert, I need time alone or at least a little quiet to gather myself and face difficulties. That did not happen yesterday. For some reason, Robert was attached to me like glue. He wanted to talk to me and have me be the one who read to him. He just seemed to need me around. I guess I kind of get it. He will start kindergarten on Friday and my little buddy, my constant companion will be gone and starting to grow up. I have been working on that and grieving it a little for the past week or two. This alone I can handle, this with my older child sick and unable to help us figure out how to help him (that is just Harry) and my Dad visiting, whom I have really missed and wanted to talk to, was a lot for me.
God gives reminders of Herself throughout the day though. Because of all the above things, at some point Kevin sort of looked at me and our bouncing off the wall 5 year old and decided to take him for a bike ride. That gave me time, finally, to actually talk with my Dad. That was nice. Somewhere during the day, I stopped and read the story of a sick girl (around Harry's age) on Facebook who is facing major surgery today and I had a reality check about H's stomach bug. He may not be able to communicate how he is feeling very well (all wrapped up with his issues), but it is something that will pass.
At my bedtime Harry was still awake, complaining about not feeling well. At this point, he'd thrown up his medicine and so we knew that today would be one with only half his medicine at the most. He was just having trouble falling asleep, but there is little you can do to make a child sleep, you just need to wait it out. Eventually they sleep, but probably not on your clock. So I left the AC off so I could hear him and tried to go to sleep. But he was not sleeping and every time I would begin to drift off for about an hour and a half, I'd be awakened by the noise of him upstairs bopping around.
I finally went up and checked on him around 11:30. I talked with him and ascertained that he was okay, just having trouble sleeping (of course, because he hadn't had his medicine which helps him settle in at night). He may have even felt a little better stomach wise. So I told him to keep trying and headed downstairs. Then I unfortunately woke my long suffering spouse, so I turned on the air (I was a bit hot, but I was rapidly realizing that I needed to sleep and not to hear every little noise my child made). I realized he was fine, safe, well enough and that he would get to sleep eventually.
Eventually, I fell asleep. I was worrying and tired and over stimulated. I was pondering the irony, that the child who really needs to be able to keep medicine and other things down gets a throwing up bug. I worried that Harry would miss his first day of school (still am a bit) and that would set off the new year in a bad way. It was that nighttime exhaustion that leads to a lack of hope.
So this morning, I am still feeling a bit inadequate, but realizing that is part of the parent game. Harry seems a bit better this morning, he got up on his own. Robert is still be bopping around, but not next to me talking nonstop and Kevin is still home to help out (for a few more days). It has been a great summer. That, however, does not mean perfect.
Life is full of these ups and downs that remind us of our humanity. As a believer, I think that the saving grace is that God is in the mix. If I keep my eyes open, there are always signs of hope. I just have to remember that even so there will be those days, when the world gets me whirling and I will temporarily lose sight of this. I can't even say yesterday was a bad day. It was overall good, but the bad parts, and the feeling of inadequacy and worry took me over a bit. All I can do today is repeat my favorite mantra, "All will be well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well." and face the day with a smile and a determination to love those around me to the best of my ability and do good for those around me.
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