As the summer dwindled down, I was glad for the fun things we got to do and all the time I had with Harry this summer. I enjoyed seeing the boys develop a relationship based on more than just co-existing in the same house (now that Robert is a walking talking being to be reckoned with). It was fascinating to realize that sibling rivalry goes both ways. Especially since Robert is definitely a Mama's boy and Harry is definitely a Daddy's boy. It is fascinating to see how both try to lay claim to me or to Kevin at different times. I was very grateful this summer to nap time, not to get time to myself as it is during the school year, but because it meant I got time that I could devote solely to Harry.
I have been the main companion of a little boy now for seven years. For five years it was Harry and I going about life - playing, doing chores, reading, going on outings, etc. and then he went off to kindergarten. Now it is Robert and I doing the same things. Some days I feel like I could collapse in a heap, because it is rather intensive to be with a small child so much and then have the added big child who reappears around 3 with different needs and demands. They get easier in some ways and harder in others. This week has involved some lost sleep for me, but it hasn't been of the baby won't sleep variety, it has been of the worrying about the big kid variety. Life changes, but not always in the ways one expects.
Anyway, now that summer is over, Robert has decided not to nap most days (he is right now, thank goodness) and so the time I thought I'd get to myself again, hasn't really materialized. I don't really feel overwhelmed, but I am wondering how I will get my "me" time. When Harry gave up naps, he was going to preschool, so I had a few hours to myself every couple of days. Now, I have Robert full time and don't expect him to go to preschool until next year. I'll probably have to figure something out, just don't know what. At least Robert is not quite as active as his older brother, so I get a little more down time than I used to with Harry, who is on the move from the moment he gets up until the moment he falls into the deepest sleep you can imagine at night time.
I had to go to the cardiologist this morning (another unexpected part of my week - good thing they call to remind you). My ticker looks fine, although I still have an issue with extra blood pumping through. My heart got a little break when they fixed my asd, but it didn't get a total break. After talking to the cardiologist, I was disappointed to hear this will be a yearly visit forever (once upon a time I was told I would have to go less and less often as the years passed). However, I don't have to do all the testing each year, so that is a good thing. I feel fine, I exercise, I'm a little overweight, but sometime in the next year I am going to try to remedy that. I know what to look for and what signs I need to bring to the cardiologist and so life keeps moving along.
I still vividly remember what it was like to be sixteen. I don't really think I have changed much since then. But if you had described me to myself at sixteen, I would not have thought that would be the person I would turn into. Hopefully, that is a good thing. I think life has softened me and made me more open to other people and differences. I know that I have learned to love myself, despite my myriad of failings. I have also found out that I am not alone in failing, we all do, just in different ways. That is what makes us human and essentially loveable. I love others more because I know we are all fighting battles to become the best person we can be. We don't always realize that though and some of us forget as we go along. But it is all good and God loves us despite this.
Things haven't turned out as expected, but overall they are just fascinating and life is good.
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