See you later...

There is something poignant about dropping your small child off somewhere.  You look back at this little person in a big place and wonder or maybe worry about what will happen when you can no longer be nearby to help him navigate the world around him.  As they get older, I think, I should feel more secure that they can fend for themselves, but really, I worry more because the world is not always a kind place and I know that they are learning that too.

I was one of those unlucky mothers who experienced full blown post partum depression, very soon after we brought Harry home from the hospital.  It was awful, it was scary and worst of all, I thought I would never love my own child.  That didn't happen, the fierceness of a mother's love is quite known to me now.  I actually kind of consider it a gift that I remember quite clearly, the moment I fell in love with my first born son.  It wasn't when he was placed in my arms or in the first few days of confused and tired parenthood, rather it was in a park on a warm day as we enjoyed each other's company and Harry was perhaps a couple of months old.

Now at 7 there have been many goodbyes and many times when I have left him in the care of others, luckily always somebody I knew and trusted.  There have also been many reunions.  I still find the good byes difficult. Kevin takes him to school in the morning, be it to the bus stop or to school itself.  Of course I can do it, but somehow it is always difficult to watch him walk away and join or perhaps not join the group.  Nobody can ever fully explain parenthood.  It is a visceral thing, like falling in love.  The depths of your feelings can overwhelm you, but unlike falling in love, it lasts forever.  Once a child is part of you, you cannot simply let go of the child and forget that she or he exists.

See you later alligator...

Random Pics I like

flowers across the streeta rooster a Watson farm

 Breaking a board at Tae Kwon Do

super buddy with puppy & blanket

The clergy here march in the Memorial Day Parade

Our little Tiger Scout at the Parade

Painting the Sunday School Walls

Making noise in Mom's hat - who needs a drum

Tug pulling the Forrestal out to sea - note the size of Fort Adams compared to the aircraft carrier

I climbed up here to check out my bling

The wonders of Playdoh and the disadvantages of being the second child

When Harry was little, I would carefully think about what we would do on any given day.  With Robert I kind of go with the flow.  Things depend upon what is going on with Harry, what the day is like, and all the other stuff.  I think I do similar things, but then I'll suddenly realize how negligent I've been. 

This afternoon after nap, Harry went up to his room to play with his legos and I was folding laundry.  I looked at Robert and thought, what shall we do now? Then it hit me - Playdoh!  I used to sit with Harry of an afternoon and just shape and play and imagine.  I've never done that with Robert.  Oh well, at least we did it today.  We sat down and pulled out the many little containers and shapers (and we have more now than we did at first with Harry) and we played for an hour or so.

It was a fun activity and Robert enjoyed himself.  We had a grand time.  And with Robert it wasn't snakes, but butterflies and every time I made a snail he destroyed it!  I'll have to remember that, second time around.  Oh, playdoh, such a wonderful toy and a lovely way to while away a hot summer afternoon.

Just a swingin'

Yesterday morning Harry and I were talking after breakfast and he told me that I was doing a good job as his Mom.  I think that may have made my week.  Harry adores his Father and is a little free with telling me that I am not even close to his favorite person.  It's a good think that I am tough.  Robert on the other hand is still pretty attached to me and usually wants me before anybody else.  In new situations he'll hang around "Momp" (don't know where the p comes from), until he's decided it is okay to go off.  It doesn't usually take long, but it is nice to be favored.  I don't really remember Harry ever being that way.  He's always been a Daddy's boy. 

Ordering, stacking, puzzling

Robert is our little organizer.  Yesterday he wanted the crayons.  I handed him the large jar of crayons and then went and found a coloring book for him.  I left him to it, as I was busy getting breakfast for Harry.  A few minutes later I checked back (to make sure nothing unusual was being colored) and this is what I found.  The coloring book was still as I had left it and Robert was busily and happily organizing the crayons into lines.  I joined him to color a few minutes later, but he really wasn't interested, what he wanted to do was empty out the crayons, organize them into his own order and put them back.  We spent a little time identfying the colors and then he was done.

He has a penchant for puzzles.  About six months ago (or maybe more) he was very into the 3 year old puzzles and we would do them over and over again.  At first I was doing them and he would help here and there and eventually he could do them.  Right now he loves doing wooden puzzles when we are at the library (which is actually fairly often), but at home he has other occupations. 

My Mom used to say that she thought people had lots of children because each one is so different and they just wanted to see what the next child would be like.  It is true in our house, Robert and Harry are very different boys and I am fascinated by this.  They are both sweet little boys, but in very different ways.  Robert has a twinkle in his eye that spells trouble.  I'll watch him as he deliberately tests limits and does things that he knows he's not supposed to do.  Harry has always been very obedient and now I realize what a good child he is with our little troublesome two year old around.  I am appreciative of this side of Harry more and more as I try to figure out how to discipline and teach Robert.  I have to admit, it was easy with Harry, he wants to obey and do things right (I think that may come from his very right/wrong oriented mother), but Robert seems to say, "Hmmm...you don't want me to do this, I wonder why, let's try that again."

It is an adventure and I am happy to be on it (at least most days).

science experiments

In our house if there is a strange glass of liquid on the counter or a seemingly odd assortment of stuff gathered in one place, it is always best to leave it alone.  Most of the time, these are science experiments in process or in the planning stages.  At the moment, we are copper plating a nail (pretty cool actually) and growing a dinosaur to 3x its size.  We also have been working on the elusive formula for invisible ink.  Somewhere in a pile in the kitchen (carefully stacked lemon juice, then milk) are two pieces of paper that don't look like anything but have secret messages upon them.  Sometime in the next day or two when the toddler is otherwise occupied we need to see if we can put them up to a flame and see the message.

As a child I remember making concoctions in the kitchen and loving to mix things together.  Harry goes one step further, he wants to make things that do things or create things which have some purpose (even though sometimes the purpose is mysterious to me - it is always essential to him).  I love this part of him, although I do shudder to think what will happen as the experiments get more complex and beyond my knowledge.  He already knows some scientific concepts that were not taught and were barely around when I was in school.  We have microscopes and telescopes and even though he spends much of life in constant motion, he is noticing much of what is being said and going on in the world around him.

Summertime is fun because there is actually time to get some of these things done.  I think one of my chores for today is to seek out sparklers.  It is now legal to buy them in our great state and somehow Harry has heard of them and requested some for the fourth.  I will have to seek them out.  Those are another thing I particularly liked as a child.  That is one of the benifits of Mommyhood, I get to make concoctions, light sparklers and throw water balloons - all in the name of play with my children.

Dealing with Distraction and Summer begins

Hello again,

It has been a while.  Winter seemed long and full.  I think I am still adjusting to having Harry in school and Robert is now 2 and a very busy little person.  I don't have very much free time to myself these days.  I also have had various distractions and I am trying to eliminate some and focus better on the important things.  I have had the feeling often that I am simply not equipped for whatever challenge is in front of me.  My modus operandi has been to just say, "Oh well, I still have to deal with it" and somehow things work out in the end.  Not always perfectly, but they do work out.

One thing I discovered this winter which I think I am going to try my best to ignore this summer is a social networking sight called Facebook.  I could put down a whole discussion about it.  I think the summary would be, it is a fun game, but it isn't real life.  Real life is talking to people face to face, playing with my children, stealing a few minutes to sit down and read a book and feel the cool breeze and hear the leaves rustling in shade. 

My other distraction is my own fears of inadequacy and frustrations at not being able to do as much or what I really want to do.  Like Paul, I know how I want to be and behave, but often the reality falls short.  However, sometimes it does not and this summer boys.  We are going to have fun!  We are going to work to live life to the best

We've started to in our own ways.  Robert and I spent yesterday morning at the playground and in our backyard playing (I did a couple of chores, but when Robert needed a playmate I was there).  Yesterday afternoon Harry and I did experiments and reading together.  After nap we all played with water balloons and of course I am the one who ended up all wet :-)

It is just the beginning of summer.  I hope it will be a nice one.  We're going to do our best.